The field of dreams should never be a nightmare – for parents or their children.

These days, though, with the average American working longer hours to bring home the paycheck, finding time for summer sports can challenge and even exhaust us all. Problems with picking up the kids, dropping them off and choosing which activity to pursue can all contribute to stress for the family. Double that for single parents, says R.Murali Krishna, M.D.

Krishna is a practicing psychiatrist in Oklahoma City, president of INTEGRIS Mental Health and the James L. Hall Jr. Center for Mind, Body and Spirit.

He says that if the stress of too many activities becomes too much, it’s time for parents to back off. They should reassess the number and kinds of activities, and choose those few which most contribute to the health, development and enjoyment of the child.

Quality is the key, not quantity.

“They should develop a wish list,” Krishna says. “They should choose from it the quality activities, small in number, but with a high quality of interaction. Then let the family enjoy the process and the activity.”

Some considerations are related to physical health, but others are more subjective. These qualities depend on parents’ goals in developing their children’s maturity and understanding of their relationship to the surrounding world.

“Which activities contribute to maturation and wisdom?” Krishna asks. “Which ones give emotional, intellectual and spiritual nourishment, or wisdom nourishment?”

The nourishment of that wisdom, Krishna says, comes less from the goal line and more from the journey to it. Some factors to consider, according to Krishna:

• What does the activity teach the child about how to handle success or failure?
• The parent and the child should discuss what success means, and what failure means. They should define the role and have a clear understanding.
• How well does the sport promote discussions between the child and the parent? Is the parent enjoying the sport more than the child? What kinds of discussions result from the activity?
• Parents and children need to communicate with each other about what they want to accomplish with the activities. They need to work with each other. They need to have an ongoing dialogue.
• How much time does the parent have? How much time is needed for work, home and the child’s daily welfare in addition to the activity?
• Persistent time pressure is not good for human beings. It tends to affect health through various mechanisms. Headaches, muscle pains, decreased immunity, increased blood pressure and sleep difficulties can result from too many activities and not enough time.
• Different children need different activities. One may want ballet, the other basketball. Which activities have different demands?

“If you have more than one child, you have more activities – and then homework,” Krishna cautions. “Frequently children are involved in more activities than they can healthily handle.”

Single parents can benefit the most from children’s sports, but they can end up having the most to deal with in terms of time pressure.

“There are more divorced parents than there were 30 years ago,” Krishna says. “They are responsible not only for making a living, but for overseeing activities. It all falls on one person. It puts an enormous amount of pressure on their time.”

These pressures include double the amount that two-parent families normally deal with: day-to-day routines such as cooking, housekeeping or other household maintenance. While children’s sports can give parents a short break, they can also add more crunch time.

“They have many activities that they need to juggle,” Krishna says. “Frequently, they ignore taking care of themselves. This makes them uptight and tense, worn out and exhausted. This is not good for the child or the parent.”

If too many activities put too much pressure on parents or children, it’s time to take five on the sidelines and discuss it together, parent and child, and choose fewer activities.

In addition, Krishna says, parents who coach or sponsor children’s sports can sometimes get so wrapped up in the game they forget who’s actually playing the game. “Stage” parents start projecting their own frustrations onto children they sponsor or supervise, creating a lot of unhappiness and stress for themselves, other parents and the children.

“Sometimes you see parents focusing so much on the child in the field, they show anger with the child for not performing well,” Krishna says. “That puts enormous pressure on the child. The child gets disenchanted. The child loses confidence in himself and thinks, ‘If I don’t perform well,my father won’t love me.’”

The desired objective is much more long-term than the next goal or home run, or even the next game. The real home plate is the enjoyment and knowledge that come from working together and learning from others.

R. Murali Krishna, M.D., president of INTEGRIS Mental Health and the James L. Hall Jr. Center for Mind, Body and Spirit

“It’s the journey of being out there, communicating out there, learning to achieve goals together,” Krishna says.

Krishna says the James L. Hall Jr. Center for Mind, Body and Spirit at INTEGRIS Health has numerous programs to help ease stress and anxiety, and even some for enhancing the sporting life. Among these are classes on guided imagery, a technique used by many top athletes to achieve better results. For more information, call the center at (405) 943-3921.

Most important, though, summer sports should be about a time of enjoying and sharing. Activities that enhance those qualities between a parent and child can make a summer’s game truly timeless.

“Enjoy the quality of it and enjoy the process,” Krishna says. “Rest and communicate.”

INTEGRIS Health 3300 N.W. Expressway, Oklahoma City, OK 73112 (405) 949-3011 | HealthLine: (888) 951-2277