The typical profile of a caregiver is female, age forty-something, employed, with children in the home. The baby boomers are suddenly finding themselves providing care for two distinctly different generations in addition to attempting to juggle duties at work and home. For instance, it is not unusual for a caregiver to drop off the children at school and mom or dad at an adult day care center before starting their day at work. The demands of caring for elderly family members can be both rewarding and stressful.

Often caregivers begin to develop closer relationships with their parents. They may be happy with the opportunity to nurture their parents as they were once nurtured by their parents. It is often a time of reaffirming family bonds and becoming reacquainted. However, most caregivers would admit that despite these rewards, assuming the role of caregiver often leaves them feeling emotionally and physically overwhelmed.

It is essential that the caregiver find the delicate balance between nurturing an aging family member while maintaining their own emotional well-being. This process may be simplified by viewing the caregiver role in terms of three “R”s: Resources, Relief and Realistic expectations of self and/or others. It is imperative that caregivers obtain a well developed and updated list of resources within their community. Equally important is the need for adequate relief. This may involve enlisting the assistance of other family members, friends or even neighbors.

You may also consider utilizing an adult day center once or twice a week. These centers provide an opportunity for socialization among the elderly and allow the caregiver some much needed peace of mind. Last, but not least, it is important to maintain realistic expectations. Decide what you can do, how much you are actually able to give of yourself and then accept the fact that there are limits to what you realistically can do.

Caregivers oft en report feeling that life is chaotic at times. Organization is essential in managing multiple tasks and making the most of your time. It may be helpful to make a list of daily duties in order of importance. You may get to only number five on a list of tasks numbering 10, but remind yourself that you have made progress and the most crucial needs have been met. Make copies of pertinent medical and legal info ahead of time and keep them in folders that are easily accessible. Leave copies with other family members or neighbors in the event you are unavailable to provide information to medical personnel.

Caregivers are often responsible for not one, but two households. Eliminating clutter and items that are no longer needed or useful can cut cleaning time in half. If family members are available, set a day aside to review household items and clothing or furniture that can be sold, given away or put in storage.

Making time for other family members is essential. Discuss with your spouse how you can provide care for your loved one while maintaining a mutually satisfying marital relationship. Children and grandchildren may experience conflicted feelings regarding your role as caregiver. While they love their grandparent, they may also feel angry or resentful about the changes that are occurring. Encourage your children to share their feelings and acknowledge that it is okay to feel angry or frustrated at times.

Taking care of oneself is of the utmost importance in caregiving. Initially, you may find yourself feeling selfish for ‘stealing’ what few precious moments you can for yourself. However, if you aren’t functioning on an emotional level you will have little energy to give to your loved ones. Taking time out is the most important gift you can give to both yourself and your family. Focus on eating nutritious meals, getting plenty of physical exercise and most importantly make sure you are getting adequate sleep.

In addition, schedule time to socialize. If you are unable to leave the house, invite friends and have a pot luck dinner, or find a quiet corner and talk to them on the phone. You may also consider joining a caregivers’ support group. It often helps to share feelings, information and suggestions with people who are in a similar situation.

Find the meaning in your current situation. Caregivers often report feeling angry or helpless about the declining condition of their loved one. Acknowledge your feelings, and recognize that these are normal reactions. Try to focus on quality moments with your loved one, take a deep breath, let that last load of laundry sit in the hamper and take a few minutes to talk with the person you are caring for. We often get so caught up in the tasks that we forget the real meaning in what we are doing … sharing life with those we love.

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For more information or support, call the INTEGRIS HealthLine at (405) 951-2277.

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