R. Murali Krishna, M.D. President

The blast rocked my office like a thousand-fold shockwave of thunder. Huge plate glass windows on the walkway between my office building and St. Anthony Hospital shattered and crumbled.

Moments later, the victims began streaming toward the hospital, where I was the chief of staff. They came in the backs of pickup trucks or cars. Others simply walked.

It was April 19, 1995.

A powerful fertilizer bomb had just destroyed the federal building downtown, several blocks away from the hospital and my office.

In the midst of a perfect spring day, we were instantly surrounded by the incongruity of mayhem and terror: broken bones, severed limbs, faces half burned away. One woman came to the emergency room with her carotid artery cut. Although she didn't know it, she was only seconds from death.

The explosion at 9:02 a.m. tore into the hearts of Oklahoma's citizens. It touched our souls with fire, leaving all of us with unspeakable tragedy, especially those who lost loved ones.

This cataclysmic event shattered the sense of stability, security and serenity Oklahoma City had always known. As we look back, we remember always the 168 lives that ended in an instant, especially the 19 children.

Such a crime, we think, must be unforgivable. And yet, in the darkest of circumstances, forgiveness should be foremost in our minds. Such an evil act tests our boundaries of forgiveness.

But we must push those boundaries. Not for the sake of the perpetrator, who must face the consequences of his actions. Instead, as medical science is beginning to prove, we must find forgiveness for own good. Not only for spiritual reasons, but for physical ones as well.

Over the past few years, a burgeoning field of scientific research has exploded around the topic of forgiveness. There's even a new group, the Templeton Foundation Campaign for Forgiveness Research, focused on showing the hard science behind the healing power of forgiveness. The campaign will conduct studies on victims and offenders, marriages and tensions between societies.

Oklahoma City is a frontier town that sprung up almost overnight around the turn of the last century. It was built upon the red clay soil of the prairie – a soil that reminds me of the rust-colored sandy earth of my own homeland in India.

But it is also a modern city with modern problems – none of which mattered after the bomb went off. In the same way that people acted in the minutes after the explosion, so they continued to act in the days, weeks and months that followed.

I believe all of us have the inner capacity for the divine. But we often don't know how to get in touch with it. That quality is always there, waiting to be tapped, waiting to be explored, inviting us to embrace it.

We can touch this inner core of spirit when we tap the healing power of forgiveness. But this is no simple panacea. And it can require a long and painful journey for us to reach it.

Almost everyone on the planet has been wronged in some way. Employees feel mistreated by their bosses. Spouses feel victimized by infidelity in their marriages. Children are traumatized by the abuse of their parents. Societies hold ancient grudges. Catholics against Protestants. Arabs against Israelis. Bosnians against Serbs.

These individuals, groups or societies have not resolved their feelings of anger, hurt or violation. They hold a desire for reprisal, revenge or retribution. And these feelings stay within the system. Literally. Unresolved negative feelings are expressed as new violence, alcoholism, depression, denial and hostility.

Now new studies are showing that such feelings also result in premature death, high levels of toxicity in the human body, cardiovascular problems, increased vulnerability to infections, gastrointestinal disorders and cerebra-vascular disease.

In other words, if the emotions aren't dealt with properly, they'll find a way to express themselves somehow. Those who don't confront feelings of victimization will find themselves consumed by anger, hostility and depression.

Men who feel high levels of unresolved hostility are twice as likely to have a stroke as those who don't. After experiencing one episode of anger, you're 2 and ½ times more likely to have a heart attack within the next two hours. Men with unresolved anger who have already had one heart attack are 50 percent more likely to have a second heart attack in the next year.

The opposite is also true: When we forgive, it does a body and a spirit good. Forgiveness liberates us from the past. In forgiving, you lighten your load, letting go of old baggage.
This leads to a decrease in cardiovascular tension, a lowering of blood pressure and slowing of the heart rate. It improves muscle relaxation. Psychologically, forgiving allows a person to be more resilient and more available to deal with other issues in life, to take better care of himself or herself, to become more creative.

In psychotherapy, doctors and therapists have consistently observed those who forgive make profound changes physically and emotionally. To take this step toward spiritual, emotional and physical health those who have experienced trauma, grief, violence or loss must "redecide" how they will react to their earlier life and memories.

David Schwartz, a colleague of mine, helped to advance this "redecision therapy". A therapist, Schwartz had his patients recreate painful memories through role playing, then react differently these events. The therapy has proven quite effective in processing trauma.

People have difficulty forgiving because they think they'll be hurt again. Forgiveness is equated with weakness in many cultures. But it takes true strength to forgive. Forgiveness offers peace of mind and peace with others.

Those who have yet to forgive find themselves suspended in a permanent tape loop. We see this in Ireland, in Serbia and in the Middle East. The agony continues. Nothing changes in these nations – isn't that what we always say?

Who wants to live in the past? To move forward requires three deceptively simple steps.

Steps to Forgiveness 

Step 1 - Awareness Victims must develop awareness of why they feel hurt and who caused the hurt. This is the first step in moving beyond the emotional paralysis caused by holding onto hurt. Victims must also cope with how these unresolved feelings are damaging them in their present lives, in their relationships with others, and in their connection with a higher power (after all, those who have been traumatized by parents often envision a punitive higher power).

Step 2 - Sharing Traumatized individuals must share their agonies and difficulties with someone they trust. Someone who can empathize, a spouse, friend, priest, doctor or therapist. And victims must also be willing to share their feelings with the person or group that caused them pain. For some this may not be possible because the offender might already be dead. So victims are encouraged to share through writing, meditating or praying.

Step 3 - Deciding The final step involves making a conscious decision that you want to work toward forgiveness. This involves commitment, work and introspection. It's where the rubber meets the road. The memory will always be there, but the emotions attached to it will change because deciding also involves giving up anger or the right to vengeance. This final step spurs biological changes in the brain and body that might not be evident until years later. But over time, painful memories will become inert, losing their power to drain victims. This doesn't mean victims acquiesce or approve of what was done to them. It's a divine act, an act of strength and courage, with tremendous consequences.

   
Habits of the Heart
Just as those with real pain must work toward forgiveness, so too can the rest of us develop habits and approaches to life that foster forgiveness.

Spiritual growth is the first habit. With the hope and connection that a deeper spiritual life brings, we find a wellspring of new energy. By connecting with each other and with the higher power through spiritual work, we engender positive memories and positive experiences that can rejuvenate us – even in the darkest days.

Second, take action and serve others. Mothers Against Drunk Driving is the perfect example of this important approach. These victims have taken the horrible pain of loss and transformed it into a greater good, working to prevent others from facing the same tragedy.

New life and new beginnings emerge.

Finally, learn to surround yourself with people who renew you, instead of draining you. Life is too short and too valuable to spend it with toxic people. Find relationships that are refreshing instead of wearisome. Forgiveness doesn't mean approving of a person or a group. It simply means making the decision not to let those who've hurt you constantly affect your awareness, feelings and inner peace anymore.

Let toxic people go.

Even with the tools of science, forgiveness will remain a mystery of the human heart. The heart needs to grieve, but it also needs to absolve. Learn how to do both, and it will beat stronger and longer.

And the spirit will soar.
 
About the Author
R. Murali Krishna, M.D., is president and COO of INTEGRIS Mental Health Inc., one of the state's largest providers of mental health services. He is also president of the James L. Hall Jr. Center for Mind, Body and Spirit. He has maintained a private psychiatry practice for 20 years and is a clinical professor of psychiatry at University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center.