• Set date nights regularly and reserve a babysitter for that time, even if you stay at home.
• Have an hour every evening just for the two of you.

• Clarify beliefs and family rules for electronics: televisions, computers, game systems, cell phones, regular phones. Once you finish the list, write it down, share it, post it and stick to it. (You can tweak the plan periodically, maybe at family meetings.)
• Decide about a bedtime routine including bedtimes, snacks, baths/showers and what you will allow a child to do to fall asleep. Write it down, share it and post it. (Many parents allow children to fall asleep to movies or television. Remember, you are setting possible lifetime patterns. Wouldn’t it be better for reading to be part of the bedtime routine with no electronics?)*
• Decide about responsibilities and chores for the children. Will an allowance be attached to chore completion and how will you monitor chore completion? Write it down, share it and post it.
• Decide how busy your children should be with outside activities and how many you will allow at any one time. Write it down and post it.*
• Decide what consequences will be used for which situations for children. Write it down, share it and post it. (Researchers suggest the most effective method for disciplining is the removal of privileges such as toys, televisions, games, etc., and the second most effective is time-outs for children under 10 years of age.)

• Post chores somewhere so everyone knows clearly what they are supposed to do and how often. (You will have to teach children how to do the chore and the acceptable quality of a completed chore.)
• Let the answering machine answer the phone after 9 p.m.
• During family meetings let your children share ideas about activities for the family.
• Learn to say no and/or set time limits on activities that do not fit in the overall goals for your family. (You are setting an example for your children on learning to say no and adhering to their goals and values.)
• Try to have frequent family dinners and turn off the television.
• Consider reserving one weekend a month for family activities only.
• Sometimes when there just doesn’t seem like enough time for friends and family, have a “pot luck dinner or picnic.” You may not have time to plan and cook for everyone, but if everyone pitches in together, you all may have a good evening. Even the children can participate in preparing the meal or other activities.
• Help your children set aside “personal time” for themselves to participate in a relaxing hobby or activity. This will help them respect their parent’s need for “personal time.”
• Make a goal of something new you want to do or learn as a family in the coming year.

Special considerations for the single parent:

• Do not allow feeling sorry for your child to undo your plans! (Your ship will hit an iceberg because the child is steering at this point!) If you feel sorry for your child and do not hold them accountable, they will not learn to endure discomfort. Most of their future accomplishments will require pushing through hard times and discomfort. Self-discipline comes from structure, expectations and the self-respect acquired as they meet parental expectations.
• Children will rise to your expectations! Within reason, of course! If you believe they are disadvantaged and handicapped because their parents are divorced, they will believe the same of themselves. They are not, right? If this is a problem for you, consult a professional for coaching/counseling.
• Maintain your focus on parenting. As a single parent you are particularly vulnerable to distractions because you are probably busier. In spite of the busyness, remember, children take a lot of concentration, observation and attention. Set aside time to observe and just be with the child. (It’s hard, but only not while you are cleaning, cooking or folding laundry!)
• You are probably doing a better job than you think! Many of the single parents I meet are quite phenomenal in the quality of their parenting and I spend most of my time commending their efforts and encouraging them to plan something fun for themselves.