Spring has sprung and love is in the air, everywhere, even at the office. According to the experts, at least 80 percent of employees are involved, have been involved or know someone who has been involved, in a workplace romance. Considering this study by the American Management Association was completed in 1994, experts expect the numbers are much higher now. Researchers also report that one third of all romances begin in the workplace.

What’s Going On? 

Employees are working longer hours. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, at least one in 10 Americans work more than 60 hours per week. The work force is now comprised of 46 percent women, increasing the likelihood of men and women being exposed to each other in work settings. The trend of the “teamwork” concept, joint projects, group travel, social outings, e-mail and simply “stressing out” together can set up situations conducive to forming close relationships. Also, the workplace has employees during their best times of the day. They are cleaned up, looking spiffy, on their best behavior and, for the most part, not distracted by family or other outside concerns. The workplace also offers privacy and many opportunities to share time together on breaks and at lunches.

What’s the Harm? 

In many cases, there is no harm. Relationships may begin and end without much fanfare or, in some cases, even end in marriage. The problems begin when a relationship is between a manager and subordinate or when a relationship ends badly. Consider the following reported side effects and concerns regarding workplace romances.

• Effect on morale. Morale can decrease, especially if the relationship is between a supervisor and a co-worker, when employees become concerned about how the situation will impact them.
• Conflicts of interest. Partiality or discrimination, either actual or perceived, puts this couple at risk for complaints. Promotions or favorable treatment based on an intimate relationship can impact a person’s reputation for years to come.
• Effect on productivity. Work performance may suffer as the couple is distracted or as they deal with ongoing gossip or speculation from other employees.
• Career problems. An ended love affair can present problems (stalking behavior, harassment, retaliation) and put these individuals at personal risk and at risk for transfers or even terminations depending on organizational policy and the level of concern for liability. Mandatory transfers can impact how the employee is received in the next department.
• Sexual harassment and hostile work environment. Complaints to management or HR departments from one of the involved individuals or other employees can cause serious problems for those involved and the organization, if the work environment is disrupted.
• Confidentiality violations. The possibility that parties involved are sharing personal or private information about the workplace or other employees can impact trust in a department and eventually create legal concerns.

Is There Anything Good? 

Absolutely. Research conducted by Charles A. Pierce, 1996, suggests workplace romances can increase productivity, motivation, job satisfaction and involvement. The workplace is certainly a healthier place to meet people than a bar or club because you start out knowing more about the person. You certainly know they are employed, suggesting some stability, and you know they are less likely to have a criminal record. You are also more likely to share common interests, backgrounds and educational levels.

How Do You Know What’s Best?

There are some guidelines to follow that will help you avoid complications. 

• Find out about your company’s policies regarding workplace relationships.
• If the person you want to date is a supervisor or an underling, steer clear.
• Establish ground rules from the start, for if the relationship ends. Planning how you will act at work if things go sour can help prevent drama later.
• Evaluate whether or not there is a chance this relationship could be seen as presenting a conflict of interest, interrupting work flow or creating negativity or hard feelings with other employees. (e.g., A business manager having a relationship with a contract provider could easily create concerns regarding partiality, confidentiality, and fairness to other contract bidders.)
• Carefully consider how a negative outcome in a work relationship might impact your career goals and integrity.

What if One or Both Parties Are Married? 

Everyone can tell you it is not a good thing to have a relationship while you are married, but the fact is the workplace is the number one spot for married people to meet affair partners. Time spent together can slowly lead to closeness and eventually emotional dependency and then sexual intimacy. If you are able to stop the relationship and get outside help, this is ideal. But prevention is the best cure. You and your partner accepting that everyone is vulnerable to becoming attracted to someone else, and taking measures to lower the likelihood of such problems, will help prevent marital infidelity.

• Have pre-discussed boundaries and guidelines for time spent alone with someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse.
• Be open with your spouse and accountable to each other. Having secrets is a sign there are problems. Having a shared e-mail address and contacting each other throughout the day can help you stay connected, comforted and secure.
• Choose work friends who value and support you in your marriage.
• If you are experiencing marriage problems and find yourself vulnerable to outside relationships, go talk to someone and make a plan to get down to the bottom of the marital issues before proceeding with another relationship. The emotional pain and complications from not attending first to the marriage are vast and long lasting. The impact of betrayal extends to the whole family. Feelings of guilt can be a gift!

So Romance at Work or Not? 

As with most issues surrounding human relationships, there is not a cut and dried answer as to whether workplace romances are good or bad. There are just guidelines and suggestions resulting from so many past experiences of individuals and organizations. As with most challenging relationship situations, the best advice is to proceed carefully, thoughtfully and responsibly.
In the meantime, just like the birds and the bees, enjoy spring and all its offerings!
 
Is it so small a thing
To have enjoy’d the sun,
To have lived in the spring,
To have loved, to have thought, to have done …

Matthew Arnold

By Rebecca R. Mild
CEAP, LPC
INTEGRIS Corporate Assistance Program