Relationships, whether a boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, bully or family member: they can all be difficult, but very rewarding in many ways as well. Everyone experiences heart break, death, loss of a pet and friends who may start doing things you may not agree with or make you feel uncomfortable. You may have parents that argue or a friend threatening to commit suicide; or you may have a boyfriend or girlfriend that pressures you. Whatever the case may be, you are not the first person, or the only one going through a difficult time. Here are some steps to take to make sure you are in a healthy relationship and some advice on how to deal with problems you may encounter in the relationships that surround you.
Sometimes we think we are "in love" (that feeling of bliss where you can't stop thinking about the other person), but often that really isn't love. There is a huge difference between an attraction to someone and being "in love" with them. Time usually tells the difference.
- As relationships develop, couples often think sex is the natural next step. Sex should be about both partners wanting it, something they have talked openly about and are taking precautions (contraception). You have a right to keep your sex life private.
- Never do anything you don't want to do.
- It's your body and it's your choice.
- Never mind what everyone else tells you they do, or what they say you should do.
- Relationships and sex are very confusing. Take your time and don't rush in to anything.
Sexual Assault There are many different types of sexual assault:
Date or acquaintance rape: both you and the other person have chosen to be together, initially, but at some point he tries to convince you to have sex despite the fact that you resist. The use of date rape drugs such as Rohypnol (usually slipped into drinks) has also become more common leading to the need for awareness when accepting drinks.
Sexual harassment: unwanted and repeated sexual advances usually by a person who has power or authority over another (e.g. your teacher or boss). Harassment can take many forms from touching, fondling, rude comments to sexual intercourse.
Raped by a stranger: forced sexual intercourse by someone you don't know. It can also be someone you know. You might be in your home, on the street, waiting for the bus, etc.
Gang rape: when two or more people have sexual intercourse with a single person who resists.
Statutory rape: sexual activity with a minor.
Preventing Sexual Assault
First you must remember that you are not responsible for the aggressive or manipulative behavior of another person. You always have the right to refuse a sexual approach at any point in the encounter.
Preventing assault:
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Find out about a new date ahead of time.
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Ask a friend or someone who knows your date for some information.
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Avoid being alone with a new date, try double dating or going out with groups.
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If you are going just as a couple, go to a public place like a restaurant.
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Avoid getting high or drunk, particularly on a first date.
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Always carry money for transportation, $10 or $20 will get you home from most places safely.
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When you accept a walk or ride from a friend or acquaintance, let others know when you will be home and who you are with.
Sexual Assault
Know your sexual intentions and ensure you express them.
If you say "no," say it like you mean it and make your body language say "no," too.
Never assume your date will know what you mean.
Always trust your gut feelings: if you feel uncomfortable or think you may be at risk, leave the situation immediately and go to a safe place.
Take a self-defense course before you need it!
Rape by a Stranger
These are good tips for both men and women to follow in order to avoid any sort of attack by a stranger, especially the trauma of rape.
You should always avoid walking alone, but if you absolutely must then:
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Always be aware of what is going on around you.
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Walk with confidence; hold your head and shoulders straight.
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At night, stick to well-lighted, populated areas and with another person.
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Take special care in parking garages, stairwells, elevators and bathrooms: studies show that many assaults occur in these types of places.
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If you suspect that you are being followed, go to a place where there are other people as soon as possible.
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If you choose to run, run as fast as you can and scream to attract attention or get help.
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Follow your gut instincts: if you are in danger, try to get out of the situation.
Rape and Abuse by Family Members
Families should be about trusting one another, mutual respect and love. Sometimes a family member abuses this trust by taking advantage of another member of the family. They often use physical force, threats, scare tactics and blackmail to ensure the victim remains silent about physical or sexual abuse.
Sexual intimacy between family members is usually referred to as incest. Incest is illegal and you should never have to tolerate this form of abuse at any stage in your life. You should tell someone you know and ask them to help you or call one of the expert support services. It doesn't matter if the abuse happened a long time ago; you are still entitled to live free of guilt and threats, and people are ready to support you.
The following links will take you from the On Your Own web site to http://www.teenhealth.org/. Readers are encouraged to confirm the information contained herein with other reliable sources and to direct any questions concerning personal healthcare to licensed physicians or other appropriate healthcare professionals.
Families
Dealing With Problems
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